I am done, finished and I am calling it quits!

I want to quit breastfeeding!
(Gasp!)
There I said it, and on the internet too, so that means I must mean it! Right??
I love my baby, I do, which is why I am still nursing him- even though he uses me as a human pacifier 20 times a day! (If you think I am exaggerating just follow me around for the day!)
I mean, come on! He is 11 months old for pete's sake! 

 What I really want is to be able to wear whatever I want- not the clothes that make nursing convenient, but the clothes that fit me right and make me feel like me!

I want to be able to wear my shirt without it getting stretched out and wrinkly from the many feedings I do a day.

 I want to sleep again.

 Through the night.

 On my back or on my stomach, however I would like.

 With the covers pulled up to my chin all cozied up next to the Hub.
 I would love to be able to go somewhere and leave my baby without worrying about him getting hungry or needing me.

Just those few small requests that is all I am asking for. Just normal things every human being wants to enjoy... 

But I am weak!
Oh, so weak!

I mean, look at that face!


 I have used up all my tough love on the other 4 kids.
I have told myself 4 times in the last month that this is it! This feeding is his last one! But then he cries...
And I start to realize that if this is his last feeding, than it is my last time breastfeeding.
 Ever....

And that makes me remember there are other things I want too...
I want to feel close to my baby, to feel his chubby cheek snuggled against me.
To look down at his long lashes drooping closer and closer to those chubby cheeks as he falls asleep.
I want to hear him say "Num, num, num..." when I pick him up and he knows he is going to be fed.
Because I love giving my baby something that only I can give him, something my body, wondrously makes specifically for him.
And I love his warm, little body pressed against me when I wake up in the night and know he is safe, warm, and still breathing.

So, for the next little while I will be a little wishy washy on the subject. I know my time is almost done. I know this phase of my life is almost over... (Tears are being shed as I type this.)  But I am going to hold on to it for just a little bit longer. Because having a baby, whether he is the most difficult baby on the planet or the sweetest thing in the universe, is a gift.

 And I am so, so blessed. 

 So, in honor of that, I am going savor every last minute of this precious gift. 

Chambray shirt

This chambray shirt that I got at old Navy after Nash was born has been my go to shirt for pretty much the last year of my life. I love it. It's comfortable, easy to nurse in, hides everything I want it to hide and it goes with everything! (I also picked up one at Target because I didn't want people to think I was wearing the same shirt everyday, but it just never earned favorite shirt status and now Indy wears it.)

I have been thinking it is almost time to retire the old thing. It just doesn't fit the same (in a good way) and I decided the shirt is special enough to deserve a tribute! I think I found a picture of me wearing it in almost every month of this year!

As you can see I wore it for just about every occasion, a chambray shirt is a must have in every wardrobe, am I right!?  But it's just time to move on. It served it purpose in helping me feel good in my post pregnancy body but I am ready to find my new favorite shirt!

What's your favorite shirt in your closet?

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The evolution of a haircut!

I am a crazy person when it comes to my hair and I just wanted to show you all how I work when I decide I want a change with my hair...

Here is me in November. This is a pretty good hair day. If my hair had looked like this everyday I probably never would have gotten the urge to cut my hair. You see I have very thick bangs, and they drive me crazy and they get thicker and thicker every time I trim them. They seriously start like 5 inches back from my hair line. I decide that in order for me to be successful in growing them out (because I have triend many times in the past 5 years) I need to cut my hair to get the end of my bangs closer to the end of my hair,

 This is me on New Years Eve after watching Safe Haven and deciding to cut my own hair just like Julianne. Its not to shabby for doing it myself. Still in the safe zone because I can do ponytails.

Same length just straight in this picture.

Sometime after this picture I tried to shorten the back a little to give it more of an a line look, I think I even had Jared help me "straighten" it out and he, of course, did the opposite of that. So, I asked my neighbor Cassi who cuts hair to fix it for me. Its super cute, I think in hindsight this is my favorite length of this whole adventure! Now I am even shorter and I have left the safe zone. No more ponytails but I really love it!

Here's a pic of the back, so cute, right!?

Here is the same length but wavy with my favorite hipster glasses!

But,of course I can't leave perfection alone! I am telling you people, I have a problem! Normal people just don't do this! Some how I make a few snips here and there and thin it out a ton with my razor. You can't tell in this picture but I have messed with it a bit.

And then suddenly, because I always make hair decisions suddenly,  I decide that it's no longer even in the back after my few snips and so I must make it even shorter in the back and that is good, I tell myself, because I did want to see more of my neck. Warning! Warning! Should have started flashing on the screen but of course I can't see it. I am on a path of hair destruction! Ok, so it doesn't look that bad, it really is cute. But now my neck actually feels naked and I feel self conscious unless I am wearing a shirt with a collar! And ponytail land is now half a year away...

So here we are at the end. I have actually asked my hubby to hide all sharp objects from me. Its staying just how it is until it gets LONGER! This is me tonight right before I started blogging. It's still cute, and I still like it! I am having fun styling short hair again! And look! My bangs and the end of my hair are only inches away from each other! But I think I still liked it best somewhere in the middle of all this.

And I am pretty sure I will always go back to this...

Can anyone admit to anything crazier than what I just shared with you all!?