I am done, finished and I am calling it quits!

I want to quit breastfeeding!
(Gasp!)
There I said it, and on the internet too, so that means I must mean it! Right??
I love my baby, I do, which is why I am still nursing him- even though he uses me as a human pacifier 20 times a day! (If you think I am exaggerating just follow me around for the day!)
I mean, come on! He is 11 months old for pete's sake! 

 What I really want is to be able to wear whatever I want- not the clothes that make nursing convenient, but the clothes that fit me right and make me feel like me!

I want to be able to wear my shirt without it getting stretched out and wrinkly from the many feedings I do a day.

 I want to sleep again.

 Through the night.

 On my back or on my stomach, however I would like.

 With the covers pulled up to my chin all cozied up next to the Hub.
 I would love to be able to go somewhere and leave my baby without worrying about him getting hungry or needing me.

Just those few small requests that is all I am asking for. Just normal things every human being wants to enjoy... 

But I am weak!
Oh, so weak!

I mean, look at that face!


 I have used up all my tough love on the other 4 kids.
I have told myself 4 times in the last month that this is it! This feeding is his last one! But then he cries...
And I start to realize that if this is his last feeding, than it is my last time breastfeeding.
 Ever....

And that makes me remember there are other things I want too...
I want to feel close to my baby, to feel his chubby cheek snuggled against me.
To look down at his long lashes drooping closer and closer to those chubby cheeks as he falls asleep.
I want to hear him say "Num, num, num..." when I pick him up and he knows he is going to be fed.
Because I love giving my baby something that only I can give him, something my body, wondrously makes specifically for him.
And I love his warm, little body pressed against me when I wake up in the night and know he is safe, warm, and still breathing.

So, for the next little while I will be a little wishy washy on the subject. I know my time is almost done. I know this phase of my life is almost over... (Tears are being shed as I type this.)  But I am going to hold on to it for just a little bit longer. Because having a baby, whether he is the most difficult baby on the planet or the sweetest thing in the universe, is a gift.

 And I am so, so blessed. 

 So, in honor of that, I am going savor every last minute of this precious gift. 

Chambray shirt

This chambray shirt that I got at old Navy after Nash was born has been my go to shirt for pretty much the last year of my life. I love it. It's comfortable, easy to nurse in, hides everything I want it to hide and it goes with everything! (I also picked up one at Target because I didn't want people to think I was wearing the same shirt everyday, but it just never earned favorite shirt status and now Indy wears it.)

I have been thinking it is almost time to retire the old thing. It just doesn't fit the same (in a good way) and I decided the shirt is special enough to deserve a tribute! I think I found a picture of me wearing it in almost every month of this year!

As you can see I wore it for just about every occasion, a chambray shirt is a must have in every wardrobe, am I right!?  But it's just time to move on. It served it purpose in helping me feel good in my post pregnancy body but I am ready to find my new favorite shirt!

What's your favorite shirt in your closet?

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The evolution of a haircut!

I am a crazy person when it comes to my hair and I just wanted to show you all how I work when I decide I want a change with my hair...

Here is me in November. This is a pretty good hair day. If my hair had looked like this everyday I probably never would have gotten the urge to cut my hair. You see I have very thick bangs, and they drive me crazy and they get thicker and thicker every time I trim them. They seriously start like 5 inches back from my hair line. I decide that in order for me to be successful in growing them out (because I have triend many times in the past 5 years) I need to cut my hair to get the end of my bangs closer to the end of my hair,

 This is me on New Years Eve after watching Safe Haven and deciding to cut my own hair just like Julianne. Its not to shabby for doing it myself. Still in the safe zone because I can do ponytails.

Same length just straight in this picture.

Sometime after this picture I tried to shorten the back a little to give it more of an a line look, I think I even had Jared help me "straighten" it out and he, of course, did the opposite of that. So, I asked my neighbor Cassi who cuts hair to fix it for me. Its super cute, I think in hindsight this is my favorite length of this whole adventure! Now I am even shorter and I have left the safe zone. No more ponytails but I really love it!

Here's a pic of the back, so cute, right!?

Here is the same length but wavy with my favorite hipster glasses!

But,of course I can't leave perfection alone! I am telling you people, I have a problem! Normal people just don't do this! Some how I make a few snips here and there and thin it out a ton with my razor. You can't tell in this picture but I have messed with it a bit.

And then suddenly, because I always make hair decisions suddenly,  I decide that it's no longer even in the back after my few snips and so I must make it even shorter in the back and that is good, I tell myself, because I did want to see more of my neck. Warning! Warning! Should have started flashing on the screen but of course I can't see it. I am on a path of hair destruction! Ok, so it doesn't look that bad, it really is cute. But now my neck actually feels naked and I feel self conscious unless I am wearing a shirt with a collar! And ponytail land is now half a year away...

So here we are at the end. I have actually asked my hubby to hide all sharp objects from me. Its staying just how it is until it gets LONGER! This is me tonight right before I started blogging. It's still cute, and I still like it! I am having fun styling short hair again! And look! My bangs and the end of my hair are only inches away from each other! But I think I still liked it best somewhere in the middle of all this.

And I am pretty sure I will always go back to this...

Can anyone admit to anything crazier than what I just shared with you all!?

The Reason

One of our first Christmas tree in our first house. 

Christmas time is a very magical time of year! There are so many things to look forward to when you are a child and also as you grow up and have kids of your own. I love seeing their eyes light up with all the wonder and magic of the Christmas season. The lights on the tree, pulling the ornaments they have made out of the box, reading their favorite Christmas stories, watching their favorite Christmas movies, making gingerbread houses the list goes on and on.  I still remember the things that were especially wonderful from my childhood and so does Jared and we try to incorporate them into our traditions with our own kids. 

We had moved up to two kids to buy presents for.

Three Kids and a new house... Take my advice- don't buy your kids a drum set.

As the mom, I feel like I should run the show when it comes to Christmas. I am the one who is home with the kids, I know what they would like, I like shopping, I decorate, I bake, I invite, I plan. But this does not mean I run the show on Christmas morning.  For Jared it's all about the magic. He wants his kids to wake up and be awed by the amount of gifts that are under a sparkling tree. There has to be no less than a huge gigantic gift, a large gift and lots of small to medium sized gifts for each child arranged just so under the tree. The more the merrier he seems to think. That was how it was done in Jared's childhood and it made such an impact on him that he tries to recreate this joy of Christmas for his children every year. I love that about him! But he doesn't do this just for the kids, either! He makes sure Christmas is just as magical for me too. He always has a big surprise for me, something I have been wanting for a long time but it's just to expensive for me to justify getting for myself. Some of these gifts were- a new camera, a bike with a bike trailer, a treadmill, a laptop, a deluxe double waffle iron, another new camera... I can't remember them all but he is a good husband and makes Christmas special for me!

Four kids...

Well, as the years have gone on we have added more kids and a bigger mortgage to the bills. Christmas has been scaled down a couple times so that now we have a more realistic amount of presents under the tree. We still joke about the Christmas that we had opened all the presents and the kids were playing happily. I had opened a few small gifts from Jared but I just knew he was hiding my big gift out in the garage and was going to bring it in and surprise me at any moment, but he never did. Finally, I had to ask, "Where is my surprise?" He looked at me sheepishly "I didn't get you one this year, I stuck to our budget."  "You say that every year and you still always surprise me!" I didn't believe that there was really no surprise until I actually checked all his hiding spots, because I had been tricked before. And that was the year we started sticking to a budget.

Our tree this year. Yes, we know its crooked.

We have really good kids that appreciate gifts of any kind or any amount and I am sure they have no idea that Christmas is any different from one year to the next. I have seen this downsizing of gifts as a blessing because we have been able to focus more on what Christmas is really about. Its not about the presents or the stress that comes with trying to get every item on everyone's Christmas list. It's about the spirit of giving, of kindness, of charity, of love. The Christ-like love for all. Because He is the reason for it all! The decorations, the lights, the gifts, the goodies- all of it, down to the smallest gift under the tree. It's all because He lived! He was born! He is our Savior! And He lives still now, and we celebrate Him in this Christmas season. 

 Because Jesus is the Reason for the Season. 

Famous Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

I have been making chocolate chip cookies for many, many moons. I first started making them from my mom's good ol' Betty Crocker Cookbook. And I still swear by this recipe! If you make chocolate chip cookies from this orange cookbook you will not be disappointed! But over the past 20 years of trial and error and combining things that work and taking out things that didn't work I have come up with my own recipe that is pretty much perfection!

I mean look at these beauties!

 Always worthy of a close up!

 And would you believe I made these cookies with whole wheat flour! These cookies are so easy to make and so delicious that you must remember- With great power comes great responsibility! 

Famous Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Cookies

Oven 350 degrees 

1 cup sugar

1 cup brown sugar

2 eggs

1 stick (1/2 c) butter

1/2 c vegetable oil (I use canola)

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

2 teaspoons pure vanilla, if you are using imitation vanilla use 3-4 teaspoons

2 1/2 c flour (you can use whole wheat like I did, or white flour, or half and half of both, they all turn out fabulous!) 

2 cups chocolate chips

Bake time 8 min.

 Cream sugars, eggs, butter and oil. (The oil is my secret to perfect cookies!)

 Add salt, baking soda, and vanilla.

 Mix in flour.

 Toss in the chocolate chips of your choice!

 Combine it all together! And...

Voila! Eight minutes later in a 350 degree oven, perfect cookies! Make sure the edges are golden and the middle of the cookies no longer look wet and shiny. 

(I have a convection bake setting on my oven and it really makes a difference on how my cookies turn out, but if you don't have a convection oven, its ok! You can still have perfect cookies, you may just need to cook them a bit longer.) 

Trust me if you make this recipe no one will leave you alone, you will be forever getting calls, texts and emails, asking for the recipe! So give them a try and let me know if you think they are the perfect chocolate chip cookies!

Ugh!

I found out I was pregnant in January with Nash. I had a good month of morning sickness but I was able to keep running up until March and then it felt like I was to puttering out of steam. I could walk, but I just didn't seem to have enough energy to make a baby, take care of my family and keep running. I had dreamed that I would be one of those moms that could run marathons while cooking up a human being, but my body said, "Nope, not happening!" And I was ok with it. I needed a break. Around April a little baby bulge began to show.

Just barely showing stage. People aren't sure whether they should ask you if you are pregnant or just gaining a little weight. 

I was a little more than excited to see that there really was a baby growing in my tummy. It was almost as exciting as when I was pregnant with my first.

Moving on to the cute pregnant stage. People know you are pregnant at this point.

Around summer time, I started to inflate more quickly and it become harder for me to bend over, tie shoes, pick up toys, scrub floors... You know the stuff moms do all day.

About 7 months here. Still in the cute pregnant stage, but getting a few more questions like- when are you due again?? 

I picked up a habit of saying "Ugh," whenever I had to do anything involving bending over. Ugh like a caveman would say. And this began to extremely annoy my husband. I have to give my husband props because he really pulled out all the stops for me this pregnancy. He took care of my every whim. If he was home he helped me with the house, the kids, and my cravings. I couldn't ask for a better man. But when it came to me saying ugh 50 times a day it started to get on his nerves.

No longer in the cute stage. Three weeks to go. Everyone asks when the baby is coming, and/ or they act so surprised to see that I am still pregnant.

 I remember Jared told me one day, in his nicest voice that he would tolerate it while I was pregnant but he couldn't wait until this baby was out so he wouldn't have to hear my new, favorite expression ever again! 

I am days away from giving birth. People avoid me entirely because it looks as though a baby may come shooting out at any moment.

 The day finally arrives, the baby is here! Finally, Jared thinks he is safe in assuming he is free from ever hearing an ugh again!

Uh Oh!

You know the saying Monkey sees, monkey do ???

Well, we have 4 monkeys....

 Ugh! 

 Ugh!

 Ugh!

Ugh!

Oops! Sorry, Babe!